A life of crime

This week I stumbled across a fabulous old article from The Onion. I didn't even know The Onion existed 10 years ago, did you?

Housewife Charged In Sex-For-Security Scam
September 23, 1997 | Issue 32•08

AKRON, OH—Area resident Helen Crandall, 44, was arrested by Akron police Sunday, charged with conducting an elaborate "sex-for-security" scam in which she allegedly defrauded husband Russell Crandall out of nearly $230,000 in cash, food, clothing and housing over the past 19 years using periodic offers of sexual intercourse.

"It's the biggest scam of its kind I've ever seen," Akron police chief Thomas Agee said. "We're talking coats, dishwashers, jewelry, sewing machines, bathroom cleansers—you name it."

Read the rest of the article here.

In somewhat related news, I'm thinking of applying for a job a found in the paper. Only a part-time job, though, so that I will still have time to continue whoring myself out to my husband.