4th Elope-iversary

Yes, it's that time again. Time for spice cake cupcakes! Woo hoo! I have yet to locate the official twin-packed Hostess variety of spice cake cupcakes (What happened to them, Hostess?!?!), so yet again I'm making them from scratch. With cream cheese frosting. Yum.

Last night before we went to sleep, Tim and I talked about the whole "elope-iversary" thing. He said that "elope" doesn't seem like the right word for what we did, but we couldn't come up with anything better. I guess it was kinda-sorta a shotgun wedding (with the Department of Homeland Security figuratively holding the gun), but that doesn't sound quite right either since we actually wanted to get married to eachother. And since we had a proper wedding ceremony 2 months later. Any ideas?

We really do think of April 2nd as our real wedding anniversary since that's the day we said the vows & all. February 4th is just a footnote in our story. An odd little anecdote. We didn't even take photos of the elopement. It was just a legal thing we had to get out of the way to stay together. Just papers that had to be signed. Heck, I didn't even take off a whole day from work. It's not a big deal. Right? Nevertheless, I kinda like to acknowledge it now. I was so nervous leading up to it, but when it was all over a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. Tim was here. With me. Finally. And he didn't have to go away again. When you've been engaged for a year & doing the long distance thing for longer, that means a HELL of a lot, lemme tell ya.

Speaking of weddings, lately some people have expressed an interest in seeing our wedding pics. Nope, not just you, Mom. "People" plural. While I was in Tulsa over Xmas, I finally got a disk that contains some of our professional photos from our wedding day (not elopement - wedding!). The photos are a bit jumbled & out of order on the disk and some really good pics are missing (we will HAVE to fix that), but I spied a few good ones amidst the mess, so here they are. Enjoy!

American Tobacco and the new Durham PAC

One week ago - last Saturday afternoon - I went to see "Rent" with my friends Mariah & Rachel. I was really looking forward to this for a number of reasons.
1. Mariah & Rachel are cool & I like hanging out with them.
2. The actors who originated the roles of Mark & Roger in the original production of "Rent" were performing with this tour.
3. I finally got to check out Durham's new performing arts center - the largest PAC in the Carolinas! Wee!



The show was great. The performers totally blew us away and sounded even better in person than on the original cast recording. Very impressive. But the only thing that may have been even more impressive was the PAC. Mariah loved it & declared it her new favorite place to see shows. That's quite a compliment, considering she sees just about every touring production that rolls through Raleigh.



After the show, we walked over to the American Tobacco Historic District. It's basically some old, brick cigarette factories that have been converted into restaurants, office space, lofts, & even our local NPR studio. There's also a cool river-water feature-thingamy, some interesting sculptures, and a green lawn where concerts are performed in the summer.



I thought it was pretty cool, so when I found myself back in downtown Durham this week I decided to snap a few pics to share with you. Since it was the middle of the workday, there weren't as many people around, plus I intentionally avoided including people in these pics. Maybe I'm weird, but taking photos of people without their permission makes me uncomfortable. I almost overcame my nerves & took a photo of one of the police officers zooming around on a Segway, but I just couldn't do it.
Anyway!
Here's the old water tower & the lawn where people enjoy small concerts.


Here's part of the water feature.




The local campus of The Art Institute is located in this building.


Here's a reminder of the trolly system that used to bring workers to the tobacco warehouses.


I love this bike rack! Durham is the "Bull City", don't'cha know.


Right across the road from the American Tobacco Campus (and just south of the DPAC) is the new Durham Bulls ball park. It's not the same stadium featured in the movie "Bull Durham", but this new place has more seats & better bathrooms, so it's all good!


One thing has not changed: "Hit Bull, Win Steak".


Around about this time, my fingers were numb & my ears really hurt. As I walked the 2 blocks back to my car, I discovered that there's a bit of Civil War history in downtown Durham. I'll have to investigate this further for when my dad comes to town. He's a big Civil War buff.


So there ya go! Despite the freezing temps, this was kinda fun to do, so maybe I'll venture out & take more pics of local landmarks. And if you happen to have, say, a gnome sitting around the house that needs to see the world, just send it my way. I'll try to get it a good pic with some of the numerous bulls around town.

Goods - mostly of the baked variety

It's coming up on February, which means I've got a lot of cooking in my forecast - our elopement anniversary, Tim's birthday, Jennifer's return from California, and ... ummm, because I want to? Oh, and Millie's birthday! Hooray for more excuses to bake!

In honor of these occasions, I think I'll make some things from my new cookbooks, but I've also found some recipes on-line that caught my interest. I'm going to post links here just so I don't lose them. So I guess this post is really just for me. Unless, of course, you're also in the mood to cook.

Pink strawberry cake made from scratch with real strawberries (no Jello!)
Check comments for buttercream frosting recipe. I've been looking for a recipe like this for, oh, 4 months or so. Who knew is was so hard to make pink cake without food coloring?

Homemade perogies!
Because everybody loves perogies ... even if they don't know it yet.

Dorrie Greenspan's perfect party cake
So pretty! Perhaps I'm developing a thing for pink food.

Almond bundt cake
Originally found here. Tim loves all thing amaretto, so I might make this for his birthday.

The recipe that swept up a baking frenzy in the cooking world last summer ...
NY Times Chocolate Chip Cookies
Changes & substitutions from The Kitchn

Michelle Obama's shortbread cookies
Droooooooool.


Edited 1/29/09 to add ...
I found more stuff I want to make!

Dulche de leche made simply in the oven.

Truffles 4 ways

Peanut butter fudge rice krispie treats
Just read that name again. Amazing, no? At it's easy to leave the chocolate off for people like george.

Big hearted cookies
'Cause V-Day is coming fast

Whipped Shortbread Cookies
I've eaten the tinned variety of these so many times. Time to do it from scratch!

Cherry chocolate chip cookies
Why have I never thought of this before? Brilliant!

Whisky soaked dark chocolate bundt cake
I feel a little light-headed just reading this recipe ... but in a good way

You > pork

Hey, remember about 2 weeks ago when I made that post that said something about george & Derek coming to visit us? Well, they did indeed come here, stayed for nearly 5 days, & left a week ago.

George's first words upon laying eyes on my fur-baby: "Planetoid!" Yes, my cat is round. Very round. In a truly fabulous way.

A few things did not go the way I would have liked (Tim had to work extra after all, a show I wanted to see sold out, blahblahblah). Luckily we still managed to have a good time. We ate biscuits & lamb & Ethiopian food & sushi & pastries & eastern Carolina style BBQ & more biscuits. We saw a wacky Bollywood-Kung-Fu movie. We met the manager of a local theatrical troupe. We checked out some art - some of which we bought. We played Rock Band (george's version of "Rio" has forever changed that song for me). We found horrifically politically incorrect postcards (gotta love The South!). And we went to Trader Joe's. Twice.

Sadly, I was absolutely crap about taking photos. I've totally gotten out of the habit. Need to fix that. The few pics I managed to grab are very random & confusing ... in a kinda fabulous way. So I thought I'd share them anyway. Prepare to be befuddled.







This is the only pic I took of george ...


and this is the only pic I took of Derek


Alternate title of this post: "Greatness Is Within"






Substitute "pork" with "steak" and you'll have george's version of this button.

Snowy steps

Yesterday morning Millie went to the back door - as usual - and stared outside. She didn't seem terribly thrilled with the snow on Tuesday & Wednesday mornings, but I thought I'd give her another shot at it.

She didn't get far.

But she tried. And trying is good.

Today's high should be in the 50s & all of the snow will be gone, but before it does, I would like to post this little video for george. Yes, it's juuuuuust for yoooou! It features Ingrid Michaelson and it's cute so you'll have to watch it.

Snow-bama Day!

Yes, snow! And not just a light dusting like what we usually get. I think we got about 4 inches! The news said this was the biggest snow storm in 7 years, so that meant the whole area shut down. Schools closed, trash did not get picked up, and Tim even got to stay home from work. As I mentioned before, we watched some of the TV coverage of National Obama Day. Tim was a bit disappointed that he had no chance to drive in the snow, but he changed his mind after he spent a few minutes brushing the snow off of his car. Even Millie thought she might want to venture out there, but as soon as a few snow flakes landed on her head, she thought better of it.



In the afternoon I told Mom about the winter wonderland that was right outside our door. Mom LOVES snow, so she told me to build a snowman in her honor. The snow turned out to be pretty dry & crumbly, but I did the best I could. He's not even 2 feet tall, but he's all for you, Mom!

Inauguration Day

I choose not to talk about politics here on the ol' blog, but I don't consider today to be a really "political" day. Rather, it's a historic day. And thanks to a freak snow storm, I was able to experience this day with Tim. We sat on the couch, curled up under our fluffy red blanket, watched the inaugural address, and allowed the emotions of the moment to wash over us. A few tears were definitely shed. It was very special.

A few hours have gone by since then & now I'm just waiting for the parade to start. And that, my friends, is an issue on which I can speak from personal experience. Ya see, way back in 1993 I was in the inaugural parade for President Bill Clinton. My high school band was chosen to represent the state of Oklahoma in the parade. We showed up a couple of days early which gave us plenty of opportunity to visit museums (the National Gallery kicks ass!) and pick up some commemorative buttons. The Bill & Al button is nice, but the button of Bill & Hill is definitely my favorite.



January 20, 1993 was a looooooong day. Full of a loooooooot of waiting on a bus. I have no idea how many hours we sat there in full uniform, starving & desperately needing to pee. I remember that I played Tetris for the first time that day on a friend's GameBoy. And I remember that we heard the inaugural address of the bus radio. Eventually they finally let us out of the bus & that's when we saw Carl Lewis, the Olympic athlete, because he was walking in the parade, too. When we finally started marching, we discovered that, unfortunately, some horses were allowed to march ahead of us & that the roads weren't, um, properly cleaned up behind them. But of course the thing I remember most was the moment when we finally marched in front of the presidential viewing stand. Forgive me, but I didn't play my picollo with proper gusto at that moment, but I think I can be forgiven. It was worth it. Unfortunately, Bill was posing for a photo with some Boy Scouts so I didn't get a great view of him, but I certainly saw Hillary. She was waving like mad! She seemed absolutely thrilled to be there. It was great. I'm sure the people who are in DC today have a pretty good idea of how she must have felt.

Company's comin'!

Good things happenin' 'round here! Let's break it down, shall we?

1. Went to a great party at Dave & Megan's house on Saturday. Played a lot of Rock Band. Laughed a lot. Enjoyed ourselves without getting drunk! Wee!

2. A friend noticed that I've lost weight. Pretty darn encouraging. Now if only I could get properly back on the wagon. I've only worked out once this week.

3. I bought tickets to see "Rent" with a couple friends. I'm excited to finally see a show at the brand spankin' new Durham Performing Arts Center. It's the biggest performing arts center in the Carolinas. And since I bought our tickets in person (and NOT through MicketTaster), I saved us $18! Woot! I love saving money.

4. Tim has been a bit stressed at work because he was told there was a bug in his code that was causing the sound in the game to shut down. After a few days of banging his head against a wall, he discovered the problem! So now he can fix it and, with any luck at all, he won't have to stay late for the rest of the week. And it's especially important that Tim doesn't stay too late at work because ...

5. Derek & george are coming to town! They arrive tomorrow (Wednesday) morning. Yes, that soon! We haven't even gotten a chance to properly miss each other yet. I suspect the the main reason why they're coming right away is because george is jealous that Derek has met Millie & she hasn't. Yup, it's aaaaaaaall about the cat. Whatever the reason, it should be fun. We're going to eat Ethiopian food & see a show featuring giant puppets and shop at Trader Joe's and other stuff. It'll be good.

Must run. Gotta check a few items off my to-do list before Tim gets home. EEEEE!

Homecoming

The Xmas break is officially over & we're back in North Carolina. Usually this is the week when I sit around the house & mope. After spending 2 action-packed weeks surrounded by friends and family, it was always hard to return to an empty house in a town where I barely knew anyone. After Tim's first day back at work, he would come home in the evening and find me still in my robe, curled up on the couch, with streaks from dried tears (or possibly fresh ones) running down my face. The first week of the year had become the worst week of the year.

But this year is different. Late Monday night, I found myself back in the same house in the same town, an 18-hour drive away from so many people I love. And yet I've been smiling contentedly ever since I got back. I think the difference this year is that I didn't return to an empty house. Rather, I returned to a cuddly little lump of love named Millie who was thrilled to welcome me home.

Millie is a pretty laid back cat and doesn't seem to show much emotion, but it's clear that she is just as relieved to see me as I am to see her. Since I got home late Monday night, she has rarely left my side. If I'm sitting, she's on my lap. If I'm lying down, she's curled up next to me. Sometimes when I step out of view, she emits a panic-y meow which only stops when she sees me again. Yes, she's a bit clingy and needy at the moment, but honestly, I missed her so much that I'm happy to spend so much time with her now. Her soft purr makes me feel - more than anything else - that I am home. And it feels really good to be home.

Not quite the Osmonds

See this image? This is what life has been like at my parents house for the past week. Ever since Tim arrived, it's been All Rock Band All The Time. I swear this game must send out some sort of subliminal message to the male mind that tells them to play this game incessantly until they master it because they MUST master it! Must must must! Granted, I enjoy the game, too, but there's a certain gleam in the eyes of the males who play this game that isn't quite as powerful in the females. The other night my brother Mike was so engrossed that he plugged some headphones into the TV so he could continue practicing the guitar after my mother went to bed. And at what early hour did my mother choose to retire? Only 2 am. She's mildly addicted to Rock Band, too.

As you can see, we're having a really great time this holiday season. Sometimes we kids can get a bit spikey after hanging out with one another for a few days, but this time we've all gotten along really well. I actually find myself reluctant to leave the house because I want to spend time with my brothers. Wacky! Stranger still, all of us kids cleaned up the kitchen together yesterday without anyone asking us to lift a finger. What?!? Maybe the same messages that lure people into playing Rock Band for 12 hours a day also encourages tidiness & pleasant behavior. What a lovely thought.


This year's Xmas loot
* Cool photo prints of Mike's work
* Cookbooks! "Sticky Chewy Messy Gooey", a dessert book that is as faboo as it sounds, and "Back to Basics" by Ina Garten
* A new kaleidoscope made by my mom
* Last but certainly not least, Tim gave me an Acer Aspire One netbook! Just like george's! It's blue and cute and makes me so happy. Wee!

In our version, Derek is John Candy & Tim is Steve Martin.

Have you ever had houseguests show up with very little notice? And although your guests were perfectly welcome, before they arrived you found yourself dashing around the house, hiding piles of mail, vaccuuming the carpets, checking the bathroom to make sure it didn't look scary, etc.? Well, imagine how it feels to discover that you're having a last-minute houseguest ... and you're over 1000 miles away from home.

Derek is in my house right now. Yes, Derek. In my house in NC. While I sit here in my parents' house in Oklahoma.

A mere 24 hours ago Derek was in New York on a business trip, preparing to fly back to Tulsa. Then a snowstorm hit & flights were canceled. The weather forecast gave the impression that Derek could be stuck in New York until next week ... unless, of course, he made a change of plans. A few phone calls later & Derek was driving south in a rental car towards North Carolina so that he could meet up with Tim and they could travel to Tulsa together. A brilliant plan! I wish I had a hand in planning it, but I was blissfully unconscious through all the hubub. The guys will drive for 2 days together, during which they'll be able to listen to as much heavy metal music as they want without annoying me or george. They'll even get to stay at the La Quinta together! It's perfect!

The only problem is that I am not there. And my newly-discovered Hostess Gene is freakin' out about that a tad. I feel a tiny bit embarassed because my house isn't really ready for overnight company. Don't get me wrong. I did a lot of tidying before I left town. Most of the house looks perfectly respectable. However, I tossed a bunch of crap in the guest room (like ya do) thinking that no one but the cat would be in that room over the next couple of weeks anyway, so why worry about it? As a result, I had to ask poor Tim to maneuver around the stuff I've gathered to donate to Goodwill and the piles of paid bills that need to be filed so that he can put sheets on the bed in the guest room. There's a whole half of the room where Derek cannot venture because of the layer of detritus that blankets the floor. Granted, it's not an impenetrably thick layer, but it's there nevertheless. Sigh. I don't even want to think about how little food is in the house. Ugh. I pride myself on being a good little hostess! And now my BestGuyPal is in my freakin' house for the first time ever & I'm not there!

The great thing, though, is that I know Derek won't care one bit. He'll be too exhausted from driving those 10 hours from Albany. Or he'll be too busy rubbing the belly of our sweet Millie kitty. Or he'll be too hypnotized by Rock Band. Or maybe he won't care because he's such a great old friend and that's just the way great old friends are.

Hope you have fun, boys. Drive safe!

Pirate George (aka "Girl, you got a panty on yo head")

I am in Tulsa! Wee!

I am sitting on george's couch right now, trying out her new tiny computer (I'm makng this post purely to test what it can do). I think it's called an Acer [Edit: It's an "Aspire One" made by Acer] & it's about half the size of a sheet of printer paper and I LOVE it! I covet it! I want one of my very own. Too bad Santa has probably already bought this year's gifts for me. However, if Santa or some other kind person finds themselves in possession of, oh, $350 or so, they could buy one for me [available at BestBuy, TigerDirect & other fine retailers!] I'd appreciate it VERY very much. Very. Really. Truly.

It's been a low key but fun night with dear georgious. We went to LaDonna's & talked about cheese with the proprieter. Then we ate cheap burgers at Full Moon. Before going to her pad, we went to Target where I informed george that I call g-strings "eyepatches" because that's what they look like to me. The following hilarity ensued.

You're welcome, world.

Top 10: What's Happenin'

I'm such a fan of Liz's bullet-point posts that I thought I'd do one of my own today. However, I'm not sure how to do bullets in Blogger, so I'll just do a top 10 list of What's Happening in Mary's Life Now.

1. I've been spending FAR far less time on-line lately. I sometimes go 2 or 3 days in a row without poking about on the internet. Does this mean I'm turning into a cantankerous old lady who is totally out of touch with the rest of the world? I mean, I haven't watched a cute video of fluffy baby animals in nearly a week. Is that good or bad?

2. A friend of mine has been diagnosed with breast cancer in both breasts. I'm still a little too shocked about this to discuss it. Her surgery is December 30th.

3. I made Yorkshire puddings for the first time ever. Tim says they were perfect. Note: Yorkshire puddings are very similar to popovers.

4. My next-door neighbors are living my worst nightmare. Their names are Alex & Maria (and their daughter, Auriela). Alex is originally from El Salvador and, due to various visa issues, he was deported recently. Yup. The US government shipped him away. His wife, Maria, is an American & she is doing all she can to get her husband back in the US, but it's going to take a long time to get everything straightened out. This week she and their daughter moved to El Salvador to be with Alex until this whole mess is fixed. Can you imagine? Ugh.

5. Immigration officials have NOT carted Tim off anywhere. Speaking of Tim, he's working a lot of late nights because the game he has been working on for the past 2 years is almost finished! Woot!

6. Speaking of video games, I have a confession to make: I am enjoying Rock Band 2 far more than I expected. Tim likes to play the bass guitar while I sing along. The super-creepy part is that some of our favorite songs to play are by bands like Boston and Kansas. Ordinarily I don't like these songs so much, but playing them is a whoooole other matter. I'd be thrilled if there were more '80s tracks on this game (I'm dying for some Hall & Oats!). There's a smattering of Duran Duran & a few other bands, but we fear that the popularity of synthesizers and saxophones back then makes it difficult for songs of that era to translate well in this game. Sigh.

7. I got the itch to knit again. Check out my latest project here: Versatility on Knitty.com.

8. I scored a FABULOUS dress for super cheap at Target! It was normally $50, but I got it for $12. It's very cute and classy and perfect (V owns this dress, too, natch). I also got some really adorable heels for $12. A swanky outfit for less than $25! Hooray for fab sales!

9. I was planning on wearing this amazing ensemble to the annual office Xmas party, but alas, that won't happen after all. The party had to be rescheduled for the day after I fly off to Oklahoma. Boo.

10. I arrive in Tulsa on December 17th. That's less than a week away! Eeee!


So just to sum up ... when I'm not cooking, knitting, or shopping, I'm singing along to "Carry On My Wayward Son" in our living room. And before too long, I'll be singing in my parents' living room, too. So despite the occasional blips of cancer and deportation, life is all good.

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly"

Happy Monday, all! I know Thanksgiving was a few days ago, but it's not too late for me to share with you one of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions of all time.



Recently I was trying to explain this episode to Tim. Now thanks to YouTube (and a person who goes by the name of CrystalCheats) perhaps he can finally appreciate the glorious wonder that was WKRP.

So what did you all do for Turkey Day? As usual, Tim and I went to the home of our friend, Doree (pronounced Door-AY). For those of you who don't know, we met Doree through the same website where Tim and I met. She is the owner of a certain, famous chicken that was previously featured on this blog. Unfortunately, Doree wasn't able to be with us! Her job kept her in Africa this Thanksgiving, but we carried on as best we could without her. Her husband, Chris, made a fabulous dinner & many others (myself included) brought sides & dessert. It wasn't the same without Doree's effervescent spirit, though. Larissa - Doree's niece - decided we should all do our own part to fill the void. She got out a blonde wig & a camera & istructed us to do our best Doree impressions. Here's a small sample.

Here's Chris, Doree's husband and our gracious host.


Here's Larissa, Doree's very favoritist neice ever.

Here's Larissa's best Doree impression. Note: the following image was taken BEFORE the bottles of bubbly were opened.

Larissa's baby boy, Finn. He's obviously trying to capture Doree's hangover face.

Here's Meryl, Doree's best friend, showing us all how very important champagne is to her BFF.

Tim flirts with that certain Doree style.


Are we starting to make our beloved friend look like a floozy and a lush? Be honest with me now.




As you can see, despite the absence of dear Doree, we still had a great time hanging out with the gang. If you're looking for a little fun next Thanksgiving, let me know & I'll get you a spot at their table.

The power of positive cleaning

First off, thanks to all of you for all the nice things you said to cheer me up. It really meant the world to me. I was in SUCH a HORRENDOUSLY bad mood the week I wrote that last post. Just ask Tim. Or George. Or my mom. They can all testify that I was in a multi-day state of rage that could not be calmed. Not even with chocolate & red meat. It was ... unpleasant. I was the Queen of the Grumpy Gusses that week. It's a good thing that the Queen of the Grumps does not traditionally wield a scepter because, lemmee, tell ya, I would have felt a strong urge to use it on others in a most violent & un-lady-like manner. Much carnage would have ensued.

There were soooooo many things that brought out the rage in me that week. Some of it was the phase of the moon. Some of it was money issues. But most of it was probably because I felt totally powerless & worthless. A number of things have contributed to that feeling. Probably the thing that sums it up best is the state of our lawn.
Leaves.
Leaves everywhere.
I estimate that this month I have spent about 7 hours raking, vaccuming, & mulching leaves on our little patch of earth. As soon as I'm done, the wind blows or the rain starts and more leaves fall & I feel like I have to start all over again. It's maddening! I can spend hours working on the yard, but when Tim comes home from work, he can't tell that I've done the slightest thing. It's a soul-crushing endeavor. And it isn't just the leaves, either. There are other things in my life that I've been working on & working on & I have very little to show for all of my hard work. It's so infuriating to work and work and work and work and see NOTHING for all of your efforts. It has made me feel so weak and powerless. I couldn't stand it.

I had to do something that would give me the gratification of a job well done. Something fairly inexpensive since I'm trying to be frugal, as well as something that wouldn't be ruined within hours of completion.

So I cleaned out our bedroom closet. A small gesture? Perhaps to some. To others it is much more.

The truth is that I am the messy one in our house. That's why it's fair that I clean up most of the messes. One of our biggest messes was our bedroom closet. Ninety-eight percent of the stuff in there belongs to me & none of it was in any semblance of order. Sure, a number of items hung neatly on the rods, but there were also bags & boxes full of clothing & shoes & paperwork & craft supplies that I hadn't set sight on since we lived in Tulsa. But no more! I took out every random item, & organized EVERYthing. The clothes are categorized & arranged by color. It's truly a thing of beauty. It also made me realize that I have a very limited color pallet. Everything I wear is black, blue, purple, or pink. Gotta work on that.

I told my mom that the progress in the closet has made me feel much better. She isn't convinced, though. Mom suspects that my whimpers of powerlessness are all a front. She thinks I am much more powerful than I seem. She is convinced that I have my eye on world domination ... that I am concocting evil plans up in our attic. She suspects that I am actually creating cyborg cats which I will somehow get into the homes of world leaders across the globe. Much like my Millie kitty, these cats will be sweet and cuddly and round & impossible to resist. One day - according to my mother - I will send out a coordinated signal to these cyborg cats, ordering them to hop up on the laps of the most powerful people of the world, forcing those people into a state of feline paralysis, where they cannot get up or move lest they disturb their beloved kitty cats. And then! Yes then! The world shall be at my command!!!! Mwah-ha-ha-haaaaaa!

Of course, now that you know my plans, I'll be forced to kill you all. Blame my momma.

Ready for my close-up

No, not dead. Just frustrated & sad and bleeeeeeeeeeeh. Bleh blah bloo. That's me.

Still haven't worked out the problem with posting photos. Grrr.

I'm kinda turning into a shell of my former self. Just like george, I watched "Sunset Boulevard" on the old movie channel a few days ago. Now I'm convinced that I'm turning into Norma Desmond. I stay in the house all the time & occasionally talk about the good ol' days when I was a STAR! of the theatrical STAGE! and such. Granted, Tim is not my butler & I don't have photographs of myself plastered all over the house. Plus, Liz can pull off the Norma Desmond eyes far better than I ever could. But you know what I mean.

It's not that I was ever a paragon of self confidence or anything, but at least there have been times in the past when I managed to (1.) figure out what I wanted and (2.) went out & got it. Now I'm not sure what I want, so I don't know what I should get. Do I miss theatre? Yes and no. That's partly why I haven't made any real attempts at joining a theatrical group here. Plus I don't have any theatre friends here. No one who can hook me up with a good group. No one to go to auditions with me. No one to really encourage me to do this thing. Yes, there are people we know who say, "You should audition for a play, Mary". But it feels empty because they don't understand what's involved. It's like those people who hear me talk about how we'd like to go back to England and then say, "Well then, you should just go!". Meanwhile, they have no clue how much such a trip would cost or the miserable exchange rate or how much vacation time Tim has left (answer: none), etc. It's all just pleasant platitudes with no real substance. "You should audition for a play!" Sure. And you should go to the moon.

I'm suffering from a very third-world problem. I know this. I have fallen into extremely fortunate circumstances & I understand that. Some people tell me that I am their hero ... a comment that instantly puts wrinkles between my eyebrows. Yes, I live in a cute house in a cute neighborhood with a cute husband and a cute cat where I cook cute food and watch the cute leaves fall from our cute trees. But what does any of this have to do with me? Please forgive me for the cliche I am about to utter, but Who Am I, Anyway? When I meet people at parties and they ask me what I do ... well, I don't do anything, so I don't know what to say. I don't want to tell anyone I am a housewife because they'll assume I am a boring, empty soul who is not worth time or effort. And maybe there's some truth in that, but I don't want the world to know it. So when I meet people, I make a point of steering the conversation a bit just to ignore that little question. I want people to realize that I have thoughts of my own and that perhaps I'm actually a bit funny &/or pleasant to be around.

But it's hard to convince people of that when I don't honestly believe it myself.

So there you have it. A lack of self esteem. And probably a lack of self respect, too. And a ton of confusion about what I want from this tiny little life of mine. All this complicated by a severe lack of motivation to do anything but sit around and watch reruns of Gilmore Girls. What the hell does Rory see in Logan anyway? I seriously don't get that.